Welcome to Bizarro Amerika!

These are from The Political Carnival

Yes, PRESIDENT OBAMA told the nation, “The state of our union is strong.” Meanwhile, after a barrage of negative ads, pundits were telling us GINGRICH’S campaign looks terminally ill. Which, as history tells us, is when NEWT generally moves on to something better.
 
The ads also show that GINGRICH’S “Contract with America” promised to get rid of congressional fraud, waste and abuse. It worked even better than they expected. After an ethics scandal it got rid Of NEWT.
 
MITT ROMNEY released his 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, NEWT GINGRICH is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows.
 
MITT’S returns show that to avoid taxes a lot of his money is in the Cayman Islands, Bermuda and in Swiss bank accounts. In fact, he’s such an astute business man, if elected, to spruce up the country’s balance sheet, he’ll immediately put our National Debt in his wife’s name.
 
GINGRICH says, no matter what, he’s staying in the race until the Republican convention. That’s when delegates put on funny hats and march around in silly costumes making fools of themselves for 4 days. Then they nominate a candidate who can make a fool of himself for 4 years.
 
In California, some Starbucks stores have begun selling beer and wine. I guess it helps to be a little drunk when they tell you the price of a Cafe Latte with a shot of espresso.
 
The Giants and the Patriots are headed for the Super Bowl. New Yorkers must be very proud. Every time you cut off the driver in front of you, he sticks his hand out the window to indicate, “We’re number 1.”
 
American Airlines will soon carry handcuffs for use in restraining unruly passengers. If they prove popular they’ll add whips and chains and along with their coach and business class, they’ll inaugurate their new “Kinky Class.”
 
South Carolina still flies a Confederate Flag near its Capitol building, but it now stands in a shady spot on the front lawn. They feel they have complied with the request of the NAACP, who told them to “Put it where the sun don’t shine.”
 
This year marks the 51st anniversary of the “Birth Control Pill.” The manufacture salutes the 1.8 billion women who have taken it — as well as the 950 thousand mothers who forgot to.
 
Research has shown that over the years “The Pill” has prevented almost as many pregnancies as the “Tonight Show.”