Yes, Virginia. There is a Sissy Claus!

Here’s a very special letter I received the other day. Thought I’d share it.

Dear Howey,

Please Mister howey, I need your help. You see my little brother adam is only five years old and he’s worried that nobody’s gonna bring him presints for Christmas. Mommy and daddy are always yellling at him cause hes always playing with my barbie dolls and putting fancy clothes on them and dressing them up. Daddy says adam is not normel just because he borrows my mommies high heals and walks down the hallway with them and waves his arms in the air then twirls around and walks back down the hallway with a funny look on his face and looking right in front of him like people . Daddy sez adam better not swish around like that cuz hes gonna take a belt to him because uncle bruce was the same way when he was a little kid and now uncle bruce and uncle evan cant come to the house. Adam crys a lot becus all the other kids at school teaze him and throw rocks at him. Now christmas is is in a cuple of days and last night mommy and daddy told him there aint no sissy’s claus.

Tell me, mister howey, is there a sissy claus and will he come and see my litle brother adam and bring him presents?

Yes, Virginia. There is a Sissy Claus. He lives in the hearts and souls of all little boys and girls like your little brother Adam. He flutters through the sky every Christmas in a Miata, delivering alternative toys to all the special little children in the world. He knows that each child is an individual and to deny that individuality is wrong.

For the boys there’s beautiful Barbie and Bratz dolls, spectacularly bedazzling makeup kits, large-size high heel shoes, flowing wigs of pearlescent shades, realistic padding and boobies, and special duct tape. Not to mention champagne for when they grow up.

For the girls there’s baseball bats, basketballs, sports bras for when they grow older, flannel shirts, old, oversize blue jeans, special belts with long things sticking out of them, and plenty of Busch Beer for when they grow up.

Give Adam a hug, Virginia. That way, he’ll know that he’s loved no matter what.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Howey