Bills passed and/or signed by the Governor the past legisladuh session in Floriduh:
BESTIALITY (Passed) Bans, for the first time in Florida, abuse that involves sexual contact with an animal. (HB 125/SB 344)
Thank god the sheep of Floriduh are safe! Unwanted kids? Not so much... CONCEALED WEAPONS (Passed) A concealed weapon permit holder who accidentally shows a gun would no longer be subject to penalty. (SB 234)
So that crazy guy in the pick up next to you can flash his gun in your face but it's allllllllllll right! DOCTORS AND GUNS (Passed) Limits instances when doctors can ask patients if they own firearms. (SB 155)
Dear Bobby: I may be your pediatrician concerned about your health but mommy and daddy can have all the guns laying around the house they want. When you get shot by one...then can I say something? SEXTING (Passed) Decriminalizes sending sexually explicit text messages, photos or videos via cell phone or other electronic devices by minors.(SB 888/HB 75)
It's ok to show your hoo ha. After you're raped you have to see a sonogram of the baby before you abort the child. That's responsibility! CHARTER SCHOOLS (Passed) Lifts barriers for charter schools to expand, in part by designating certain schools as “high-performing.” (SB 1546/HB 7195)
Coming soon to a storefront near you: The Koch Brothers school of Greedy Capitalism for white boys only paid for by everyone while our real public schools are ignored CLASS SIZE (Passed) Changes the definition of the educational core curriculum, reducing the number of courses that must meet class-size caps. (SB 2120/HB 5101)
Translated: Fuck you citizens of Floriduh! We don't care if there's a 100 kids in that classroom! EDUCATIONAL ACCOUNTABILITY (Passed) Catch-all bill that, among other things, limits gifts to school board members and their relatives to $50. (SB 1696/HB 1255)
Saves the money for the lobbyists to buy more for the state legislators, yo! SAGGY PANTS (Passed) Requires school boards to prohibit students from wearing clothes that show their underwear or body parts. (HB 61/SB 228)
Of course! We don't want those bare butts rubbing up against each other in those 100-student classrooms! Just take a pic of your bare ass and send it to that chick. Sexting's legal now! SCHOOL VOUCHERS — OPPORTUNITY SCHOLARSHIPS (Passed) Allows more students to qualify to move to other public schools by expanding the definition of a “failing” school. (SB 1822/HB 1331)
Translated: We'll help you get your rich white kids outta those colored schools! TEACHER TENURE (Signed into law) Teacher evaluations will be based in part on student test scores, and administrators will be able to more easily fire teachers with weak evaluations. (SB 736/HB 7019)
Translated: If you belong to a union, we're a gonna fire you! Added translation: We don't care if mommy and daddy aren't teaching the kids about life, that's your job now you worthless piece of shit teachers! VIRTUAL SCHOOLS (Passed) Expands online school offerings by allowing more students to enroll in virtual school and letting private companies participate in online education. Requires incoming high school students take at least one online course before graduating. (SB 1620/HB 7197)
Now that the Koch Brothers have bought our public colleges, let's sell them our public schools too! CITIZEN CHALLENGES (Passed) Reverses state’s “burden of proof” requirement that potential polluters show their project won’t contaminate air or water. Replaces it with requirement that citizens and other challengers provide proof that project will harm air or water. (HB 993/SB 1382)
Yeah...cuz those citizens have all the resources to provide such proof! 
GROWTH MANAGEMENT (Passed) Shifts review and regulation for development from the state to local governments with repeal of 1985 Growth Management Act. (HB 7207)
For sale: FloriduhBLIND TRUSTS (Failed) Requires the governor, lieutenant governor and three Cabinet members to place their personal assets into blind trusts. (SB 86)
How dare you want to keep our elected officials accountable!ELECTIONS (Passed) Reduces days of early voting from 14 to eight, requires some voters who have moved to cast provisional ballots, tightens the time for third-party groups to submit voter registration forms and reduces the time that signatures on citizen-led ballot initiatives are valid. (SB 2086/HB 1355)
Are you poor? Are you old? Are you disabled? Are you a college student? Did you just move? In other words, are you a Democrat? Good. You can't vote!GOVERNMENT PENSIONS (Passed) Local government employees face new limits on sick leave and overtime under a compromise plan. (SB 1128/HB 7241)
*Unless you're appointed by the Governor GUN CONTROL (Passed) Prohibits local governments from regulating firearms. (HB 45)
Woo Hoo! Welcome to the Wild, wild, west! PENSION REFORM (Passed) Employees in the Florida Retirement System will pay three percent of their salaries into their retirement accounts, face higher retirement ages and their retirement accounts will no longer collect cost-of-living-adjustment starting July 1. (SB 2100, HB 1405)
*Unless you're appointed by the GovernorABORTION — CHOOSE LIFE (Passed) Proceeds from Choose Life license plates will go to Choose Life, Inc., to assist pregnant women, instead of counties. (SB 196/HB 501)
Purpose Statement of Choose Life, Inc: To promote the Choose Life life plate whose proceeds would be used to facilitate and encourage adoption as a positive choice for women with unplanned pregnancies. Unless you're one of them homersexuals we don't want you adoptin no kids! ABORTION — HEALTH CARE EXCHANGES (Passed) Health care plans created through the federal health care law cannot offer coverage for abortions. (SB 1414/HB 97)
Ummm...they already don't. But they don't call you the legisladuh for nothin', huh? ABORTION — PARENTAL NOTIFICATION (Passed) Requires minors seeking a judicial waiver for parental notification of an abortion to get the waiver in district court rather than a wider-reaching appeals court. (SB 1770/HB 1247)
Can you see the lines of pregnant 15 year olds lined up in the court house paying for a judicia waiver for parental notification of their abortion? Yeah. I don't either. 
Of course, there's lots of folks out there wanting to adopt your bastard child unless they're one of them homersexuals we don't want dem adoptin no kids! They'll turn em queer! ABORTION — ULTRASOUND (Passed) Women preparing to undergo an abortion must be offered the opportunity to have the results and images of an ultrasound explained to them. Woman can decline to see the image. (SB 1744/HB 1127)
Who's paying the $200 bill for the office visit? MEDICAID (Passed) peforms place the program’s
three million recipients into managed care. HMOs and other large, managed-care networks will bid with the state on managing any number of 11 regions in state. Also makes it more difficult for recipients to sue Medicaid doctors and hospitals. (SB 1972/HB 7107, 7109)
Good news from 2014! There are only 22,453 sick poor people in Floriduh under Medicaid! All the others died from lack of care and compassion!